The Tree

This poem is in honor of the Bride: Good Shepherd Community Church ~ all of my brothers and sisters who have weathered the storms of “winter” standing firm, immovable serving and loving others, honoring Jesus in word and deed in the midst of this past year’s hardships.



( I tried to post this written as a poem, but the blogger wouldn't let me- so just bear with me here)


In the peaceful still and early hour firm but delicate, gray black bark shaded branches reaching outward from their body sparsely dotted with winter leaves, three dimensional in scope remain against the backdrop of an icy blue sky holding up blustery clouds with mingling hues of blue and gray like distant dark ocean waves.

A story conveying a life which is resolute to stand the trials of winter~ steadfast, staying its ground, residing in its intended purpose. Whether unnoticed or perceived
preserving the design for which it was created~ immovable, solid, unyielding to the commands of nature,yet of humble disposition .

A casual observer deciding to peer more closely delights in its beauty which another day another backdrop reveals the same tree a different beauty.

The Gospel of John

When was the last time you read the gospel of John? WOW. Powerful. Impacting. No one could have ever made up that story. Kings food is what I have been eating. Rich delicacies, tasty treats... no... I would say a seven course meal that my soul has feasted on this past month- and I am only on chapter 13. Yummy, I just can't wait for breakfast,, no maybe I'll make it a midnight snack tonight. I just can't get enough of it. This kind of food is addicting. The powerful presence of Jesus. Reality of Jesus lighting my soul. There is more of me to be taken by Him. - Or according to John, darkness to be sonlit by Him. Today I savored the passage where Jesus says "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name and I will do it." (John 14:12-)
NO NO NO. These aren't just black letters on a white page of paper. Jesus meant it. All to bring glory to God... to reveal just who Jesus really is. The Father. They are One. Well, go read John. Taste again for yourself. meditate slowly. allow the pictures to form in your head. Be there.

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Sudan, here I come!

In a few days I will embark on a new journey. I will have the privilege of meeting Sudanese women right there in Sudan. I know I will learn so much from them.

Here is a FUN picture of some students having a blast. I hope I get to see and experience a sight like this.

The Sharks Teeth

LOL part 4
Mindy recently launched into a new relationship with God. No more just “doing” church for social life. She was now experiencing real life, understanding truth and grace as God’s child, friend of Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit who lived in her. “I believe in God” was a term she once used but nowadays she believed God and there was a difference between the two. Recently she had experienced victories through trials by learning to walk by faith and not sight. She desperately desired the eyes of her heart to be fixed on Jesus, not wanting to be one who “holds to a form of godliness but denies its power” (2 Tim3:5). Her marriage, family and friendships seemed like battle fields at times. Often she felt lonely, broken, and battered but at the core level she was being held up by Christ’s strength.
She sipped her Starbucks coffee latte and reclined on the cushioned chair just to see her friend Breanna walk out the door past the large storefront window. She felt safer without gossipy ears, and then leaned over and quietly revealed to our friend Agnes, and me her innermost thoughts. “Honestly, there are times when my focus becomes muddled and I fall into discouragement. I just don‘t have all the answers and life can sometimes feel scary.”
“We will all have hardships in life which lead us to believe lies from the enemy,” Agnes reaffirmed her. “Have you ever seen an optical illusion?”
“You mean those pictures that hang on the wall that make people look like idiots by blank staring until finally they see a hidden picture?”
“Somewhat… I am thinking of the kind that deceive you to think there is something there that isn’t. I imagine that if there can be optical illusions with our physical eyes there can be with our spiritual eyes as well.”
“What do you mean by optical illusions, Agnes?” I inquired.
“Satan deceives us when we plunge into believing there is no hope.” Agnes began with a detailed story about her young family who had set off on a lovely jaunt one Sunday afternoon. They had walked the two mile hike downtown to investigate the summer art festival on display. On the return trip they happened upon a sidewalk painting which blocked their path toward home, something her three year old daughter had never seen until then. She described it.
“ The painting portrayed broken bricks in the sidewalk which opened up to a deep sea and a large shark leaping out. The illusion appeared very real to all of us but especially to my two and a half foot tall daughter who screamed and ran to her daddy for safety.

He picked her up in his strong arms, quietly and calmly spoke to her, telling her it wasn’t true. He explained, ‘We will walk right past this “so called“ shark, even on top of it as we head towards home.‘ “He knew the truth she could not perceive with her limited knowledge and experience. Her childlike trust was tested. She whimpered as he took her closer to the delusion. It took her daddy one step onto the broken bricks and she scrambled to higher ground, twisting herself to the top of his shoulders. Her wide frightened eyes scrutinized the top of the water. When they stepped right onto the sharks head she finally could see with the perspective of her father. As he jumped up and down holding her far above its sharp teethed mouth she too could see how flat it really was. The stillness of her body showed us it had lost its power over her. Finally with eagerness she too wanted down to step on the sharks head.” “I wonder if she had continued to believe that lie without the security of her father’s arms would she have ever moved in the direction towards home?”
“Unlikely,” Mandy and I said simultaneously.
It was a terrific story but Mindy’s cool nature expressed she was a little stumped. It was not connecting to what they had been talking about.
Agnes moved on, “So too it is the same as with the eyes of our hearts. It’s as if there is a scene that projects onto the screen of our minds…a misunderstanding of the present circumstances, a child perhaps in rebellion, or husband veering toward seclusion, maybe those whom you’ve served faithfully in church walking out the door, never to return….and its hard to understand. Perhaps the shark we see is our perception of what the future holds. The friend holding unbelievable bitterness toward you becomes an image in your mind that leaves you insecure, vulnerable, or exposed. Or that husband that won’t speak to you becomes a setting of future loneliness, without relationship, significance or love.”
Mindy finally blinked, scooted back to settle more solidly in her chair and lay her hands in her lap showing she was computing the data. “I know the evil one also loves to play scenes from the past… like a movie being played over and over again so that it grips you from ever moving forward.”
“Absolutely, Mindy. And does your movie come with audio?”
“Oh yes.”
“And what lies are whispered in your ears from the enemy?”
“He tells me I’ve blown it too big to ever move forward. The screen depicts too high of a wall between myself and my husband. ‘Nothing can really ever break that down’ says the devil.” She lowered her head and took a sip of the coffee.
“Do you believe it to be a fortress too strong to break through?”
“At times.” There was a moment of silence. “Do you have any truth to give me?”
Agnes leaned over and rested her forehead onto her palms. One would think we had confused or frustrated her, but Agnes lifted her face a moment later. She pierced us with her serious expression. “Listen, girls, I am no counselor but I do know the best counselor there is. The Holy Spirit who lives in you. Who better than the one who knows you best.” She paused. “He does not promise quick solutions and answers to all of our problems. Sometimes the best answer in a given moment is ‘patience.’ “He uses His precious word and yes, people like us to help you walk through it, but don’t let a person stand between you and Him. God did not make everything easy for us. It‘s all about relationship. We must seek Him for the answers and in the process we get to know Him better.”
“Now back to it. Reflect for a moment on the details of my story: My daughter, Jill had to pass the shark if she wanted to keep heading home. It was the father’s arms she ran to for security . Her daddy carefully carried her into the trial in the direction toward home. Do you see the connections? We must pass through certain trials in life in order to ‘head towards home’ …that is …to be conformed to the image of Christ….to perceive as the father perceives. Jill’s perspective changed after seeing from her father’s viewpoint. And her experience gave her a greater understanding of how her eyes can be fooled to believing things which are not true. Isn’t that the same with us when we encounter spiritual roadblocks? So my advice to you is first to run to the Father’s arms. Let Him lift you up with scripture and truth so you can gain his perspective. I love God’s word in 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 ~ ‘For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
She took a deep breath and added “When I take every thought captive in reference to the verse I also like to include ‘demolishing arguments and every point of pride ~ toward those He lives in’. Thus I train my mind to love, trust and believe in my family of God. ”
“I heard it once said that we are to recognize the wallpaper of lies lining the walls of our minds, tear it down and then put up new wallpaper with God’s truth.”
“Yep. But do understand this is all done by His grace. He knows that becoming like Christ is a process, not an event.”
Agnes took a little pouch out of her purse and emptied the contents onto the table. Several little pieces scattered toward the edge of the table which were stopped by her quick hand. We looked closely at all the pieces trying to guess what they were? “Do you always carry crazy little pieces of metal around in your purse?”
“Hee hee!” she laughed with amusement at the disturbed looks on our faces.
(to be continued)

Summer Family Fun

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Nineteen Years of Marriage !!!!

In light of our recent anniversary I wanted to take a moment to write briefly about Jonathan. In honor of You, My husband ~
How grateful I am to have lived 19 years with you. I can’t think of a better companion with which to have spent these latter years of my life. There are a lot of awesome people I have met in this life but you have been the single most influential person outside the precious, powerful grace and goodness of Jesus.
I remember the day I prayed and wrestled with God over the option and idea of marriage. Can God really give his anointing over a marriage when it is “better to be single than married”- as Paul states. He has taught me so much about Himself through you. I delight in you! - You are FUN, funny, risk-taking, adventurous, easy going, athletic~ with high pain tolerance-(that has spilled over into the rest of life), positive, peaceable, creative, brilliant, hard working, not demanding, kind, pursuer of good health and eating habits, cheerful, lover of God’s word, forgetful of other’s wrongs- forgiving, an incredible Good Shepherd- (it’s fun to see you with your sheep- literally!), discerning, caring, genuinely interested in people…, sexy….what more could I say.
It’s amazing to think out of 19 years I have never lost attraction to you- How can that be!!?? I never knew it could be that way. You have cherished me even when I didn’t feel worthy of being cherished. You have been faithful to be the biblical man who loves his wife. God has been good to call me alongside of you to minister together for Him as imperfect as we both are! Thank you for this privilege to raise our children together as well as God’s children.
Thanks for being you.

Here is a pic of our anniversary after a LONG hike over the mountain pass in Montana- eating at a Burger Joint- - we were STARVING.

Praying Wives.

Ahhh Summer is here. I gotta story working in my brain and heart. But it will wait for at least another week.
Meanwhile we just started another six weeks of Praying Wives. A small group of women growing and learning how to pray for their husbands. These women are paired together and they call each other once a week to pray twenty minutes for their beloveds. It is fun to see how many women really want to be involved. I am looking forward to seeing what more God is going to do in these women's lives this next six months.

I was Praying awhile back for something in particular about another person close to me and wondering why hadn't God answered yet? Why was this on hold to seeing good decisions in this persons life. i felt impatient! But while I was praying God gave me a picture in my mind of a broken watch with all the pieces scattered. Now Janie you wouldn't pray for the crystal to be put on and demand it now(!) would you? No, all of the pieces would need time to be put together so that they would function properly when the final piece - the crystal was put in. So you can have patience- sometimes as we pray for those we love we must wait patiently for the experiences, knowledge, and proper faith to be put into place so that the polished finish can be in set in motion towards its use.
Ok- Jonathan is waiting to go to lunch and I wrote this all so quickly- rough draft you know.
God bless!

Good 'Ol Texas

Ok. I know it has been a long time and I've got lots on my mind that I would love to share. Yes. Pouring myself out for those things which are worthy. Loving my kids. Thankful, oh so thankful for them. God is good.

I haven't given up on writing my LOL part4. But priorities are priorities, they are joys as well.

Meanwhile, Dannah and I took a break and went to Texas to visit my sister and good 'ol Texas friends. I miss them Oh so much as well as TEXAS. I have never considered myself a True Texan simply because I have never suffered the symptoms of Texamania which are:

1. A growing sensation of unhappiness whenever a foot crosses the border from Texas to another state.

2. A strong need to secede from the United States.

3. Consideration that everything is bigger and better in Texas- (however portions of food in a restaurant really are bigger in Texas!!)

4. A strong need to dine out every night.

- I am sure I could think of more if I had time. One thing I do miss is the heat and sunshine.

This is my "truth" friend. Shana. She is not afraid of speaking the truth to me. Everyone needs a truth friend. - And I love her as my sister:

My physical sister, Becky. I love her much!

Waiting

Still waiting for time to write. . . but until then here are pictures of some of my favorite kids.

Making My Way Back

Our Home in China.

It began 8 years ago in a land far away on a sunny Resurrection Day. Our Swedish co-worker/ neighbors joined us for a hearty celebration lunch and in the course of the meal proceeded to tell us about a conversation they had with one of our Chinese neighbors and fellow teachers. On what should have been somber Good Friday he arrived at their apartment with a question. “I thought the Martins were Christians?”
“Yes, they are,” our friends, replied.
“Well how come I saw Mrs. Martin hanging out laundry on Good Friday?” he retorted.
Wow. What a blow. Our very identity in Christ was being questioned. After all, the Swedes celebrate a whole week before Easter and do nothing on Good Friday but rest and they are considered to be one of the most thoroughly secular nations on the planet. The Muslims in our corner of the world, empty as their religion is, were and are very religious about fasting the whole month of Ramadan and celebrating with a sacrificial lamb for each family during Korban festival. But it seemed the Martins were not even a little reflective of the meaning of this consequential week and day- the crux of our Beliefs. I wonder if the possibility had risen in his mind that since we did not know how to celebrate the holiday perhaps we were only American spies posing as Christians. Wouldn’t a true believer recognize the significance of this week?
Honestly, at first I wanted to defend myself. After all the washing machine had done all the work and I was only hanging up clothing. But as I am a reflective person it didn’t take long for me to see the picture. My heart was broken that I had been habitually passing over the entire Passover week till Resurrection Sunday when we started our celebration by hiding eggs for kids to search and find. At least we had done some things to make that time significant with them finding the rock, nail, cloth and little things hidden in the eggs in order to explain the Resurrection story. Certainly in comparison we had done little to reflect on the body of Jesus, which was broken, and the blood of Christ which was spilled during that Passover week millennia ago.
Hmmmm. During the following year we considered how we could incorporate some meaningful traditions that would lend towards reflection and celebration of the season. Sad as it may seem, my own Christian culture had left me as empty as the tomb on that one. Even Christian operated schools and businesses just keep right on going without much thought. I may not be able to change my whole culture, but what I began wondering was how at least in my own home I could make it meaningful. As Easter season was coming near again I suddenly remembered that I had tucked away a magazine article about how to do a Passover Seder at home. As I read, it seemed easy enough to at least try.
That first year we only invited a few of our team members to join us. Oh, what a potent experience for our children and us! The following year we decided to invite some of our Muslim raised friends - a couple of new believers and one that had not trusted Christ yet. Afterwards they told us they had never experienced anything more meaningful.
It has become more substantial to us over the years to reflect on our roots in history. It is vital to remember where we have come from. Each year as we observe what the original Passover feast meant, it places an even greater importance on Christ’s fulfillment of this celebration.
Over the years as we have practiced, our new tradition has become a little more refined and defined. Last year we had our Passover Seder with friends here in Oregon. We gathered and reclined on the floor against colored throw pillows. Coffee tables were set Middle Eastern style and decked with wine glasses and white candles. Jonathan, as the head of the family household performed the ceremonial Seder. Afterwards we ate a meal of lamb and vegetables with the traditional cheroseth with matzah. Afterwards I passed out a paper to inform our friends how to establish the tradition in their home.
Did you know there are a total of 168 verses dedicated to Christ’s birth in the four gospels? But the book of John alone offers 268 verses covering the Passover week? The four gospels dedicate a total 712 verses to these life-altering events! Why do we spend months preparing for Christmas but tragically little is done to reflect on this Powerful week? I have come to the personal conclusion that the Passover, good Friday, and the Resurrection –- ought to be recognized as THE most important holiday a believer celebrates based on it being the cornerstone of our belief.
Has our focus on Christmas (I love Christmas too :) diverted our eyes from the absolute essence of who we are in Christ and left us with something powerless? We need to reflect on the power and promises of the cross.
Consider making this year your first of many to put back into focus Christ’s Passover week. I really believe you will find a greater joy and deeper appreciation than you might ever imagine.

Some celebrate Passover on the Thursday before Good Friday so as to reenact the actual event.

This little lamb did not go to School but to church

We have a very spiritual little lamb!


My little Lambs!

( Language of Love Part 4 on the way.)

Language of Love (3) - see below for parts 1 and 2

{ I have recently had two friends walk out of their marriages. My heart grieves with those left behind- spouse and children. This has been the inspiration behind The Language of Love. I simply desire to take others to a deeper reality of marriage which includes contradicting choices which our society, aka. the world, would have us choose. I also desire to create an awareness of messages our culture gives us by which some of us are influenced. }



It had been several weeks since the three of us met together. Life was full for Mindy with four kids in school. She and I had previously decided we would each put up cards of Scripture around our homes and ask the Lord how it might play out that day in our lives. For the first time her soul truly consumed the truth of God’s word.
Mindy told me matter-of-factly, “Life has not been easy these last few weeks but that verse you suggested for me has carried me through.” It was a verse that had helped me through some tough years and now her life was being impacted by it.
“How so?” I questioned.
Mindy gave an account of life after our last meeting together. First, she had arranged time alone with her husband, Dan, to sit and talk. The feeling of being married so long to a stranger disturbed her. Who was he anyway? Could she really ever have feelings for this man? Was there truly any hope? It comforted her to truly sense God’s presence in her life like never before. And in her feelings of helplessness Jesus reminded her of the words she had planted in her heart that week: Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord And whose trust is the Lord. For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream And will not fear when the heat comes; but its leaves will be green, and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit. She had a moment to pray “Oh, Lord, please help me in this time of drought.” Tears welled up in her eyes as she considered how parched her marriage was. “Lord, help me to bear fruit.” Her lip quivered as she tried to imagine how one could be fruitful in a dry marriage and even more so how to bear lush leaves of green in a time of emotional suffering.
While thinking about what she would say the scene from a movie flashed in her mind of two lovers making up and delighting in one another. She desired that her confession would end in hugs and feelings of oneness and happiness. Without realizing it her hope rested on this storybook ending and human emotion. Human emotions—the target which movies and romance novels exploit for profit and in the process train us that anything less than this is simply undesirable.
Sitting face to face across the coffee table from him the pangs of emptiness and longing seized her. Nervously, over the next hour, she explained to Dan about her conversations with Agnes, of course skipping the part about divorce. “I realized I needed to ask forgiveness from you for the anger I have held inside these last few years.” Those words were difficult to speak because she had always liked being right. But after she voiced them she felt a little relieved. He just sat there quietly, barely responsive. There was still distance between them not only in physical proximity but there was also a nagging coldness separating their souls.
At first she felt hurt and that turned inward to anger that he was not responding to her the way she had envisioned he should—the way the movie had ended. She excused herself and retreated tearfully to a quiet place, her bedroom. There she had a moment to consider the last hour. As she buried her head in the pillow she cried, “Oh, Lord, I thought it was supposed to end happily if I did the right thing.” She really wanted to understand how it was supposed to work in the Lord’s scheme of things. Just then she became aware of her previous expectations of hope for a climax of happiness. She remembered Agnes’ words about media discipling our minds as to how to think, feel and act in every situation. The Lord opened her mind to see how she had fixed her hope on fulfillment of human emotion realizing in turn it had led her to a counter productive disappointment and anger. With tears wetting her cheeks, she asked with the eyes and ears of her heart open, “Well, what do I do with this, Lord?” In a moment of silence, as if listening for an answer He illumined her mind and she gained an inner power to do what she knew was right. “No, I am not going to place this demand on him. I am going to be patient, and put my hope and trust in the Lord and his timing.” She confidently got up washed her face headed to the kitchen and began cooking dinner. With the Lord at her side she could smile kindly.
Dan acted aloof but nevertheless he acknowledged her act as good and said he would forgive her. She had not understood the kind of doubt a person is plagued with the first hour someone says they are going to change. Words are merely words unless action follows and he wanted to see if this was the real stuff.

We had listened intently to Mindy’s story. “What do you think about all this, Agnes?”
She responded, “There is power in an apology. It’s possible Dan thought this could just be another ploy to tell him how wrong he was to cause such bitterness. As you consistently, daily choose acts of love over selfish interests he will see that you mean it.”
“On another note God is at work. You caught yourself with that movie scene that flashed in your mind. You counteracted that when you used God’s wisdom to not be conformed to this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. (Romans 12:2)
“Media, movies, etc. with their masterful stories and perfectly matching background music have the potential to train us that our emotions should be our guide—that they should even be our God.” She paused a moment, smiled, then said, “You allowed your mind to be transformed by allowing God’s truth to renew your mind. You know… Love is patient, love is kind….. Love does not demand its own way…”
I was hesitant but curious “ Mindy, how did it make you feel when God’s truth was finally realized?”
Her eyes looked downward in order to reflect on that moment. She thought for a moment and replied, “I’ll have to say… it altered my feelings. His peace, which surpassed understanding, replaced the anger. Even amidst the emptiness I felt his peace and a power I have not had before. Afterwards it was as if Jesus put his arm around me.”
I exclaimed “Mindy, This is what your verse meant!”
“I don’t understand?” Her eyes squinted.
“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is the Lord… the tree will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit.” “You yielded fruit.”
The realization empowered her. She was becoming the living word. We left our time encouraged that God indeed was at work.

February 16th - Engagement Day

Jonathan and I celebrated our engagement day yesterday, which is actually more celebrated than Valentines. We enjoyed taking time to remember the weekend I had visited him in California 19 years ago. We have an amazing story of how God ordained us to be married. After 4 years of not seeing each other- He in china, I in Eastern Europe, and two years of not talking or hearing from each other the Lord miraculously brought us back together one week after a specific prayer was prayed. Someday you'll have to ask for the story. It was a confirmation from the Lord.
On February 16th, my beloved led me up a mountain near his home in Southern California. We hiked about an hour when finally we looked off a hill and saw a guitar lying there on the ground near a tree. What in the world could that be doing up here? Well, Jonathan went on to sing a song he had written to me asking me to marry him. It was very special and later was sung at our rehearsal dinner as well as our wedding. Jonathan surprised me last night coming to the bedside where I was all tucked in and playing the song again. (Obviously I am NOT against romance!) BOY it sure brought back memories of a lovely time. Not that now isn't lovely but that day 19 years ago was so magical- full of mystery- for we really had not spent much time with each other before we were married, yet we both were assured in the Lord's calling us to be married. We were made for each other- Through the good times and hard times HE has made that clear to us over the years. Our anniversary was lovely and meaningful. How good God has been to me. How good is His undeserved love and compassion.


Here is a picture of our engagement day- not a good photo but maybe you can tell a little something.

I just had to put this fun picture in of our kids. I love spending time with them especially when we go hiking.

Language of Love part three in progress-

Valentines, the martyrs

I copied this excerpt from Wikipedia. Wow. How opposite of romantic love - rather these heroic men named Valentine loved their Lord unto the act of martyrdom.


Saint Valentine
For more details on this topic, see Saint Valentine.
Numerous early Christian martyrs were named Valentine.[4] Until 1969, the Catholic Church formally recognized eleven Valentine's Days.[citation needed] The Valentines honored on February 14 are Valentine of Rome (Valentinus presb. m. Romae) and Valentine of Terni (Valentinus ep. Interamnensis m. Romae).[5] Valentine of Rome[6] was a priest in Rome who suffered martyrdom about AD 269 and was buried on the Via Flaminia. His relics are at the Church of Saint Praxed in Rome.[7] and at Whitefriar Street Carmelite Church in Dublin, Ireland.

Valentine of Terni[8] became bishop of Interamna (modern Terni) about AD 197 and is said to have been killed during the persecution of Emperor Aurelian. He is also buried on the Via Flaminia, but in a different location than Valentine of Rome. His relics are at the Basilica of Saint Valentine in Terni (Basilica di San Valentino).[9]

The Catholic Encyclopedia also speaks of a third saint named Valentine who was mentioned in early martyrologies under date of February 14. He was martyred in Africa with a number of companions, but nothing more is known about him.[10]


No romantic elements are present in the original early medieval biographies of either of these martyrs. By the time a Saint Valentine became linked to romance in the fourteenth century, distinctions between Valentine of Rome and Valentine of Terni were utterly lost.[11]

In the 1969 revision of the Roman Catholic Calendar of Saints, the feastday of Saint Valentine on February 14 was removed from the General Roman Calendar and relegated to particular (local or even national) calendars for the following reason: "Though the memorial of Saint Valentine is ancient, it is left to particular calendars, since, apart from his name, nothing is known of Saint Valentine except that he was buried on the Via Flaminia on February 14."[12] The feast day is still celebrated in Balzan (Malta) where relics of the saint are claimed to be found, and also throughout the world by Traditionalist Catholics who follow the older, pre-Vatican II calendar.

The Early Medieval acta of either Saint Valentine were excerpted by Bede and briefly expounded in Legenda Aurea.[13] According to that version, St Valentine was persecuted as a Christian and interrogated by Roman Emperor Claudius II in person. Claudius was impressed by Valentine and had a discussion with him, attempting to get him to convert to Roman paganism in order to save his life. Valentine refused and tried to convert Claudius to Christianity instead. Because of this, he was executed. Before his execution, he is reported to have performed a miracle by healing the blind daughter of his jailer.

Legenda Aurea still providing no connections whatsoever with sentimental love, appropriate lore has been embroidered in modern times to portray Valentine as a priest who refused an unattested law attributed to Roman Emperor Claudius II, allegedly ordering that young men remain single. The Emperor supposedly did this to grow his army, believing that married men did not make for good soldiers. The priest Valentine, however, secretly performed marriage ceremonies for young men. When Claudius found out about this, he had Valentine arrested and thrown in jail. In an embellishment to The Golden Legend, on the evening before Valentine was to be executed, he wrote the first "valentine" himself, addressed to a young girl variously identified as his beloved,[14] as the jailer's daughter whom he had befriended and healed,[15] or both. It was a note that read "From your Valentine."[14]

Language of Love part 2

Part2
So tell me “Do you ever go for a walk and talk with your husband or does the perfect date call for flowers and dinner?”
Mindy had agreed to meet Agnes and me at the local park. She zipped up her jacket as she watched the cool air blow the fallen red leaves in a swirl down below their feet at the park bench. “I really never have gotten into walking but maybe I should.” Mindy felt desperate to learn from this woman who seemed to know so much.

Agnes opened up; “My husband and I often found ourselves on a tight budget, especially when our children lived with us. We learned delightful ways to enjoy one another such as walking and biking or simply having coffee in the mornings together. We made fun with what we had and just ignored the messages around us that said we always had to spend money on extra things in order to make each other feel loved.” It’s interesting how the media and marketing has built idols in our minds of what life and love is “really” all about.”

I was taken back by her remark. “I have never really thought about that. Wow.” I wondered for a moment, “How easy it is to build little idols in our minds and seek to have those around us conform to those idols.” I paused. “And what about us? Do we live up to the “idol” image of a woman that our husbands have been taught by the world’s marketing and media standards or even yet the perfect image of a godly wife? Wow, when I look at it that way I see what magnificent grace I would need from my man.”
Mindy admitted that she unfortunately fell quite short to living up to the “ideal” marketed woman. Her extra 50 pounds gained over the years still hung on her. She became conscious of how unforgiving and demanding she had been while overlooking her own fault of bitterness. Until now she had always pointed the finger at her husband and his mistakes but now sorrow began to fill her heart and she thought to herself, “How can I find a way through this? Lord, please help me.” For the first time she realized that she was the one in need of forgiveness simply for her bitter spirit. A cool wind blew on her face making the tear feel cold on her cheek.

I comforted her. “It’s ok to feel sorrow, Mindy. Sorrow turns us to God and He gives us hope for a transformed life and it is in that hope that the greatest of all joy can be experienced. The Lord is more concerned about a bitter spirit than an ideal weight our magazine racks display at the grocery counter. Do not neglect taking care of yourself physically, spiritually and mentally as well as intellectually. Mindy, as you give yourself to the Lord you become attractive in many ways, mind you never perfect but always moving onward with Him.

Agnes interrupted our thoughts, “I have been thinking of practical ways I have seen love expressed in marriage. The world has taught us there will always be something more we will need to be satisfied.”
“I remember the ways my mom and dad loved each other when I was young. They would often make time to go in their bedroom and give massages to each other after a hard week.” She smiled fondly, “We would sometimes find them kissing and then they would play a game of hide and kiss until we found them. After a while they would bring us into the kiss machine with them and we’d all end up playfully kissing.” She giggled.
Mindy pondered this. “But I am not sure my husband could ever be so playful.”

“Maybe. But a good start for you might be to find joy and contentment in what you do have. I’m sure there are some wonderful qualities in your husband for which you can be thankful. It isn’t wrong to want or discuss with him your desire for more time together but you can sure be thankful that he is hardworking and responsible.” “You might find one of the reasons he doesn’t buy special gifts for you is because he values frugality and thriftiness.”
“No, I just think he’s thoughtless.” She was reminded of her bitterness and asked Jesus to help her grow in understanding rather than accusations.
“Perhaps your husband needs you to have confidence and trust in him. You might be right that he needs to grow in that area and do pray for him. But believe the best about his motives rather than the worst. Wouldn’t you want the same from him? Undoubtedly your man needs for you to have a positive outlook on life no matter how it looks. This is where you must meet face to face with your God about everything.”
“Our God connection is where we find our strength for all of life. We expand our understanding of His ways, the deeper our hurts the broader our experience with Him. Friends should also help us see more clearly. If you have friends who are not encouraging you to respect your husband but instead fuel your anger toward him then I would choose other friends.”
Agnes jetted in “Books can also help us love our men. I read a book once about five love languages. Most men feel loved when you want him physically. Yes, I mean sexually desire him. Making love should never be a duty. I know, I know those childrearing years can be physically exhausting and there are times some women just feel tired. But when you think of what a delightful gift of love you bring to the most important man in your life tiredness can actually be turned over to God and enjoyment take over.”
“How come you never say anything about what he could be doing to help our marriage? Don’t you have any good advice for him?” Mindy inquired.
“ Mindy, I am not talking to your husband. I am talking to you two ladies. We cannot change another person but we can change ourselves as we walk forward with God.”
Mindy recalled a time when she was younger and had mentioned to a friend about her membership at a gym because she had wanted to get in shape for her husband. The friend told her “That is ridiculous! You do what you want and not what he wants.” She realized she had taken that approach in everything. Now, Mindy was turning the ears of her heart to Jesus. She heard the Spirit speaking words of scripture “Do not merely look out for your own interests, Mindy, do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard him as more important than yourself. Don’t merely look out for your own interests, but also for his interests.” Boy, that one was going to take a lifetime to learn.
The time they spent together was life giving. Mindy was anxious to get home and start putting into practice the things she had learned. She remembered what Agnes had said earlier that we each need the Lord to guide us to know how to love our own man. Agnes had told a story about her granddaughter being a perfectionist in her home. She had constantly nagged everyone around her for not keeping house “picture perfect” like she wanted it. Her husband had told her ‘No Better Homes and Garden Home for us’. He desired a home that was comfortable and looked lived in with lots of relationships going on. They compromised together on how they would run their home. Now Mindy was determined to connect with her husband and find out what he would like. She had never given her heart to that before.

I thought for a while with Jesus and asked him, “What does unity in marriage look like, Lord?”
“Unity is like-mindedness in as much as two people have shared like personalities, similar experiences, have the same knowledge and have been given the same measure of faith. Each has shaped our core values, goals, and desires. Obviously there will be differences because no two people share the same life experiences, personality, knowledge and faith. In marriage two individuals with unique skills and talents merge to establish new values and goals. Marriage is a place where two wills collide, two lives become one.”
“So what happens if one of those wills is unyielding, Lord? What happens to our unity in marriage?”
“In each circumstance one has the capacity to give more than the other through the grace of my Spirit. Always one will let the other go forward.”

As we parted that day Mindy had made the bold decision: Her first step would be to ask her husband for forgiveness of her own sins in the marriage. She resolved to take one day at a time and draw nearer to her Lord.