Language of Love (3) - see below for parts 1 and 2

{ I have recently had two friends walk out of their marriages. My heart grieves with those left behind- spouse and children. This has been the inspiration behind The Language of Love. I simply desire to take others to a deeper reality of marriage which includes contradicting choices which our society, aka. the world, would have us choose. I also desire to create an awareness of messages our culture gives us by which some of us are influenced. }



It had been several weeks since the three of us met together. Life was full for Mindy with four kids in school. She and I had previously decided we would each put up cards of Scripture around our homes and ask the Lord how it might play out that day in our lives. For the first time her soul truly consumed the truth of God’s word.
Mindy told me matter-of-factly, “Life has not been easy these last few weeks but that verse you suggested for me has carried me through.” It was a verse that had helped me through some tough years and now her life was being impacted by it.
“How so?” I questioned.
Mindy gave an account of life after our last meeting together. First, she had arranged time alone with her husband, Dan, to sit and talk. The feeling of being married so long to a stranger disturbed her. Who was he anyway? Could she really ever have feelings for this man? Was there truly any hope? It comforted her to truly sense God’s presence in her life like never before. And in her feelings of helplessness Jesus reminded her of the words she had planted in her heart that week: Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord And whose trust is the Lord. For he will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream And will not fear when the heat comes; but its leaves will be green, and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit. She had a moment to pray “Oh, Lord, please help me in this time of drought.” Tears welled up in her eyes as she considered how parched her marriage was. “Lord, help me to bear fruit.” Her lip quivered as she tried to imagine how one could be fruitful in a dry marriage and even more so how to bear lush leaves of green in a time of emotional suffering.
While thinking about what she would say the scene from a movie flashed in her mind of two lovers making up and delighting in one another. She desired that her confession would end in hugs and feelings of oneness and happiness. Without realizing it her hope rested on this storybook ending and human emotion. Human emotions—the target which movies and romance novels exploit for profit and in the process train us that anything less than this is simply undesirable.
Sitting face to face across the coffee table from him the pangs of emptiness and longing seized her. Nervously, over the next hour, she explained to Dan about her conversations with Agnes, of course skipping the part about divorce. “I realized I needed to ask forgiveness from you for the anger I have held inside these last few years.” Those words were difficult to speak because she had always liked being right. But after she voiced them she felt a little relieved. He just sat there quietly, barely responsive. There was still distance between them not only in physical proximity but there was also a nagging coldness separating their souls.
At first she felt hurt and that turned inward to anger that he was not responding to her the way she had envisioned he should—the way the movie had ended. She excused herself and retreated tearfully to a quiet place, her bedroom. There she had a moment to consider the last hour. As she buried her head in the pillow she cried, “Oh, Lord, I thought it was supposed to end happily if I did the right thing.” She really wanted to understand how it was supposed to work in the Lord’s scheme of things. Just then she became aware of her previous expectations of hope for a climax of happiness. She remembered Agnes’ words about media discipling our minds as to how to think, feel and act in every situation. The Lord opened her mind to see how she had fixed her hope on fulfillment of human emotion realizing in turn it had led her to a counter productive disappointment and anger. With tears wetting her cheeks, she asked with the eyes and ears of her heart open, “Well, what do I do with this, Lord?” In a moment of silence, as if listening for an answer He illumined her mind and she gained an inner power to do what she knew was right. “No, I am not going to place this demand on him. I am going to be patient, and put my hope and trust in the Lord and his timing.” She confidently got up washed her face headed to the kitchen and began cooking dinner. With the Lord at her side she could smile kindly.
Dan acted aloof but nevertheless he acknowledged her act as good and said he would forgive her. She had not understood the kind of doubt a person is plagued with the first hour someone says they are going to change. Words are merely words unless action follows and he wanted to see if this was the real stuff.

We had listened intently to Mindy’s story. “What do you think about all this, Agnes?”
She responded, “There is power in an apology. It’s possible Dan thought this could just be another ploy to tell him how wrong he was to cause such bitterness. As you consistently, daily choose acts of love over selfish interests he will see that you mean it.”
“On another note God is at work. You caught yourself with that movie scene that flashed in your mind. You counteracted that when you used God’s wisdom to not be conformed to this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. (Romans 12:2)
“Media, movies, etc. with their masterful stories and perfectly matching background music have the potential to train us that our emotions should be our guide—that they should even be our God.” She paused a moment, smiled, then said, “You allowed your mind to be transformed by allowing God’s truth to renew your mind. You know… Love is patient, love is kind….. Love does not demand its own way…”
I was hesitant but curious “ Mindy, how did it make you feel when God’s truth was finally realized?”
Her eyes looked downward in order to reflect on that moment. She thought for a moment and replied, “I’ll have to say… it altered my feelings. His peace, which surpassed understanding, replaced the anger. Even amidst the emptiness I felt his peace and a power I have not had before. Afterwards it was as if Jesus put his arm around me.”
I exclaimed “Mindy, This is what your verse meant!”
“I don’t understand?” Her eyes squinted.
“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is the Lord… the tree will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit.” “You yielded fruit.”
The realization empowered her. She was becoming the living word. We left our time encouraged that God indeed was at work.