Merry Snowy Christmas

The Language of Love

(My heart has connected with women all over the globe, both American and foreign and I’ve found similar issues that many women face. This fictional story is a composite of many of them.)


I had noticed the perked ears of the elderly lady next to us. She had phased out the delicious taste of her ham and cheese omelet as she overheard the weeping of Mindy while disclosing her feelings to me. Blonde haired Mindy was of fair complexion and the mother of four children. She had hinted to her friends for a long time of her intentions she now allowed to escape from her mouth. “I don’t think he will ever change. I just don’t love him anymore.” Tears spilled from her eyes and with a quick blowing of her red nose she allowed those words she never believed she could verbalize to sink in. “The feelings left a long time ago. We hardly have anything in common. He goes to work and I have my work. We just don’t talk anymore. It has been so long since he bought me flowers or even took me out to dinner. He isn’t romantic like he was when I first met him. For years our church leaders have said romance is vitally important in a marriage yet he doesn’t catch a clue”. She spoke these words with bitter hurt. He isn’t interested in what I do during my day yet expects to come home to a clean house and dinner at the table on time. I have tried to be a good wife and one he could feel proud of but he never notices when I do those good things. He hurts my feelings and I feel empty…. God is love and wants me to be happy.” She paused “I am leaving him this Friday.”



The elderly woman sitting nearby could not restrain the passion of God prompting her spirit. She graciously walked over to our small round table and introduced herself as Agnes. She tenderly handed Mindy some flowers she had previously bought for some other purpose. Agnes gently voiced, “I couldn’t help overhearing what you’ve been saying, do you mind if I join you?” We couldn’t resist her sweet spirit and agreed to have her join us. “Honey, there are so many religions here these days, which God are you talking about that wants you happy?”
“Oh, I’m a Christian and God is a loving God.” With authority she declared Jesus’ words, “I have come that they might have life and have it abundantly.”
“Oh, dear thing.” She offered a Kleenex to my tissue deprived friend. “The abundant life is promised to those who ‘Seek first the kingdom of God’.
“I’ve done that. I’ve gone to church for years, tried to be good, attended Bible studies … sniff. I’ve prayed that God would change him. But still nothing has changed!”
Agnes poured some water into Mindy’s glass. “Drink. With many tears one must drink more. Sweetie,” she paused, with her southern accent extending “God doesn’t want your rules and religion. He wants a relationship with you. “Jesus revealed in John ‘This is eternal life that they may know You, the One true God and Jesus Christ whom you have sent’.” You have been chosen to know the living God…to fellowship with ALL that He is. God isn’t just a God of love. He actually hates too.” At that Mindy’s eyes incredulously widened. “He wasn’t concerned about hurting anyone’s feelings when he said ‘I hate divorce’. Nor when he spoke through Paul in First Corinthians when he said, “A woman shall not leave her husband, or a man his wife.” “We say and hold to our vows with a Holy fear knowing we make a choice to display God’s glory to the world...” She cleared her throat and continued, “which is the model of Christ and His bride the church.”
With her words which truly were God’s words I sensed the Holy Spirit indeed putting holy fear in Mindy’s heart and mind as well as my own. But then with a downcast spirit and bowed head she peeped the words “I don’t see how.” You could sense she was being pulled in two different directions. “He certainly isn’t Christ.”

“Though good feelings can truly be in a marriage God’s love isn’t merely a feeling love and romance the way this culture and time presents it. We have been discipled by the god of Hollywood. And it starts you know when you’re a child… Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and more.” We listened with the ears of our hearts, but still Mindy questioned “But love IS when you feel good about your spouse. What is love without the feelings?”
“Clearly the truest of all love is only visible in the face of the cruelest of hatred. It suffered to the point of shedding blood. Jesus wasn’t feeling happy, gooey feelings toward God when he was carrying the cross to Calvary. But it was the joy set before him that he endured it. Not that we should just endure marriage or even treat it like a cross but rather come to a place where we thrive”

“Can you expound on that a little?” asked Mindy with fixed, glassy eyes as truth was spoken to the depths of her heart. This was clearly a different language than she had heard in the world. The new definition of love was making a slight break into the confusion of her mind and bringing understanding to the sacrifices a marriage partner brings to the altar.
Agnes reached for the water pitcher and politely asked if she was done with her half emptied milk and juice glasses. Mindy nodded. She proceeded to pour water into the glasses and stirred a bit. “You see, there isn’t anything much different when you mix water into these liquids which contain the same properties.” We were a bit bewildered with what she was up to. She grabbed the oil for salads sitting on the table and poured it into the cups and stirred. “This oil stands out. You can tell it is different from everything else. In every circumstance it stands out. God wants to show the world there is a distinction between His love and the world’s kind of love. He has chosen you as his means of doing that.” She smiled. The illustration was bringing it home to the core.

“He must have chosen the wrong person.” Mindy whimpered, “ I don’t think I can …do that. I cannot even fathom it.”

“Look here, the last thing I desire is to be preachy.” Putting her ringed hand on her chest Agnes expressed “I have walked the same road as yourself.” But with a reflective spirit added “Trust me. Marriage continues to teach me how to really love. It is the essence of giving up self for another. Not that I have laid hold of it yet but I forget what lies behind and press on toward that which He called me to.” Her face radiated her fiery spirit. “If we could understand the truest purpose of our marriage is that we might be made holy” she pointed to the glass, “like the oil, to become distinct in nature, separated from the world.”
Mindy knew the words Agnes spoke were true but her tears revealed too much reliance on self. I told Mindy “You’re right. You cannot do it. The only way is to allow your nature to be made more like His by the power of the Holy Spirit who lives in you. And that means you deepen your fellowship and experience with Him. You come to know Him.”
The older enlightened woman leaned over with a sweet gentle smile across the table where my middle-aged friend was sitting and put her hand on Mindy’s arm. Her wise words made it seem as though she was one who had escaped the boundaries of time and place yet lived it all at the same time. “You precious dear. There truly is hope.” She moved closer to take hold of Mindy’s hand. “I urge you to do as Jesus did. Pour out your heart, fast and pray, cry out to God, and hear His voice of wisdom, comfort and peace. Have others pray for His grace upon your life. By all means, hang out with true and holy believers. Let’s be as Jesus towards those with false counsel. He said to his good friend Peter ‘get behind me’ recognizing anything other than the will of God is of Satan. This is a selfish world in which we live but let us each here allow God through our marriage to teach us how to really love, His love which is eternally best for our spouse and for us. Let endurance have its perfect result that our character be proven worthy. A fuller joy indeed comes when we drink from the deeper well. And over time you may find as I have in many women’s lives that your husband’s life is changed and genuine delightful feelings reside with you and your man.
Our time with Agnes involved many hours as we discussed what it all meant. We know that there is no quick fix for a lifetime of character development but being with her was like being with Jesus, hearing His strong voice and feeling His comfort. Mindy held off on her decision and promised to meet again the following week with Agnes and me.

My Man's Home!

Yippeeee. It is so much fun to have my Man again. We met Jonathan with a baloon, cookies, and posters! I'm in love with you!

Seek Truth with All your Heart!

Things aren't always what they seem at first glance. That is why we must seek the truth in everything.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

The Wilderness and the Tetons

What do these have in common? Mountains. We did a lot of mountain backpacking this summer. In the Tetons, Jonathan climbed the Grand Teton with Darragh and Dannah. How delighted they were to reach the top AND to get back down again ALI

Here are a few pics of the Tetons:

check out the boot at the bottom of this next pic. Shows how steep it was in some places.Papa with his daughters.

What's up in California?

So what's up here? I have found that California is rich with the resource of the SUN! Yes, i am delighted to be here with Dannah and Daylon my three nephews and inlaws. They are fantastic. I love 'em. Yesterday we enjoyed the sun at the waterpark- got lots of excercise running up stairs galore and sliding down rides like the Drop out (my favorite) , Bermuda Triangle, Speed slide, the Vortex (Amy's favorite) and running around from ride to ride. The only thing missing is my daughter Darragh who is in Czech and my beloved- Jonathan whom I adore. Sorry no pics- I am not on my computer.

Who's Dirty Anyway?

I sat up leaning over the small table while the cantankerous old teacher leaned forward to whisper a secret. “I don’t like those Uigher people.” The grumpy old Chinese didn’t surprise me with her opinion. Nevertheless with a glance at the open first floor balcony window and a quiet voice, I responded “why?” “They’re dirty!” wrinkling her nose. “They are lazy - just sitting around with each other all the time. They don’t study and aren’t very smart.” I happened to know that the brightest student and best English speaker in Jonathan’s class was a Uigher man who took two years to find a teaching job while his Chinese classmates only after a week of searching found some great English jobs. I simply listened and asked questions. “Why do you think they are dirty?” Shaking her head with contorted features she frankly replied “They let their kids play in the dirt outside.” Her raspy growl and expression spoke more than what her words declared. I left with a feeling of needing a bath. I wonder if she thought the same of us Americans and our children who not only played in the dirt but actually had a marvelous time once while making mud pies. We we dirty?
That afternoon as the Uighers celebrated the Korban holiday I dropped by an old Uigher friends apartment to eat the traditional pollo (lamb mixed in rice and carrots). While we enjoyed the merry mealtime the conversation turned unusually private. Gulzeera disclosed her thoughts to us. “I don’t like the Chinese.” To draw out more of the meaning I asked the question “Why?” She confidently with a half crooked smile explained, “They’re dirty!”
What did she say? How could this be? I began to feel that the earlier morning’s confabulation was merely a rehearsal for the latter. What could she possibly mean? “How are they dirty?” I repeated my line from the earlier drill. As an inferior in the Chinese society she seemed self confident of her superior islamic culture. “They grow their nails so long. And they never have time to talk. They are all so busy and never have time for relationship.” Hmmmm. Now this was different. I had not previously thought about how disgusting long nails would be on women who knead bread and noodles everyday.
This day was an exercise in learning about the conflicting values people and cultures have not only around the world but even within one country, one state, one neighborhood. Where one values tasks and learning another finds meaning in relationships. Who is right?
This doesn’t happen in church does it?

Prejudice......

To explore the whole nature of prejudism expands way beyond black and white, rich or poor, young or old. It's center is the core heart in each of us. Consider that each human is raised with certain values, practices, dreams to hope for, convictions all boiling down to world view. At the center of each of us we sacredly hold true to what we deeply have been convinced of. When we encounter one of another kind (which really is everyone and anyone) if we have not been taught differently we humans tend to judge those others according to our personal standard. Next is a little story which illustrates .....

a little prejudice

I am partial to a cute little fellow i found in the field just yesterday! He is so tiny i hope he makes it. It was a beautiful site to see Jonathan pastor this little one by bottle feeding him his first food- just enought to boost him to be able to get up and nurse on his mommy. - Jonathan indeed is a good shepherd.

Then Cocoa wanted to be fed also from Darragh's apple cider.

Pride and ........(title to be continued- fill in the blank)

One of the first things that occurs in the process of revival is a new or renewed understanding of how great God is compared to our humanity. Being humbled by the mightiness of God?
After living in China with a number of people from different nationalities I made some observations regarding pride and humility. When a person of one nationality would seek to express humility in one way the other nationality would think he was being proud. For instance: Here in America we are trained to say thank you when paid a compliment. If you say thank you to someone from another race they might think “thank you” is admitting with pride that indeed your dress looks nice or that you look good today etc. and are acting in pride. Another example of this is some nationalities offer a gift to someone and make sure they play it up big, “I got this in a very expensive store and paid much money for it.” They were taught to do this because one wanted the receiver to know how important and worthy they are to buy an expensive gift. However others are taught in humility to play it down, “It isn’t anything too special, just something I picked up.” on order that the person would not feel too uncomfortable or committed to the giver on account of an expensive gift. One might consider a person proud because he or she views another’s behavior in light of their own experiences and knowledge. The same is experienced even with people in the same culture but in different families.

In pursuit of humility one of my favorite quotes the last five years is this quote by Ben Franklin. “Pride perceiving humility honorable sometimes borrows her cloak.” Any of us can “look” humble. We can become good actors. Ok, so why all this talk about humility? What matters most is - Are we truly humble before God or are we faking it before man? Has our cultural practices or personal convictions defined us before our great and Mighty God? Do we actually recognize the inconceivable greatness of God in comparison to our feeble humanity. And then do we ignore or implement the joyous truth that our frailty is covered by His clothing of grace. This is humility but probably incomplete in definition. Just my thoughts as i keep moving forward.

scenes from a favorite movie- "Pride and Prejudice"